School

Next September Lily will be starting Primary School. How crazy is that? Time is just going so fast, it scares me. I can't believe how quickly she's growing up.
I've just sent off her application for school. I'm so sad. She won't be my baby for much longer! But she's so excited to start school, I'm sure she'll be fine.

xoxo

Feminism

I feel like feminism is becoming less stigmatised lately. I'd say I'm a feminist, and I would say that all females (at least) should be able to say that about themselves. What female doesn't *want* to be treated as an equal?
Recently there have been quite a lot of music videos that seem to portray women as an object or an animal. For example, Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" shows women wearing skimpy outfits and dancing around. A lot of the time in the video, one woman in particular has her hair being held as if on a lead, like a dog. But it's not just videos, it's lyrics too. In Blurred Lines, things such as "I know you want it", "you're an animal" and "I'll tear that ass in two". All of which tends to glorify rape and rough sex. Now, I chose that song in particular because Lily Allen has recently released a song called Hard out Here which mocks Blurred Lines quite a bit (in video and in lyrics). Lily Allen's song shows that she won't lose her baby weight just because of pressure of the media, it shows a man (possibly intended to be her manager) showing her how to "twerk" and do other things (such as eating a banana) in a sexual manner. I think the message that Lily is trying to get across is that a LOT of female artists out there are being manipulated by male managers to use sex to sell their music. Obviously it works (Miley Cyrus nude on a wreaking ball, anyone?), but most of these women are so talented that they don't *need* to use their bodies to sell their music. Miley Cyrus' Wreaking Ball is a song that I geniunely enjoy and love, I personally think she's extremely talented. However, using sex to sell music also creates bad publicity, which could be easily avoided by simply *not* using sex.
I think it's just outrageous that in 2013 we're still having these sorts of issues. Women should be treated as equals. The fact that these things still happens terrifies me as a woman raising a little girl.

Here is Lily Allen's new song and video:

I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I did! (Watch without little ones around, it's a tad inappropriate!)

xoxo

University

Having just sent off my UCAS application, I am extremely nervous and excited.
Going to university is a massive change of plan to what I had in mind last year. This time last year I wanted to either go straight into work after college or start an apprenticeship, preferably in finance. During the time I had off from college last summer, I realised that the only two units I didn't get a distinction in were to do with finance, so I decided against following that route. I then asked myself which unit did I enjoy the most during my first year at college. The answer to that question was without a doubt law. Although I still felt my knowledge of law was very basic. So I decided perhaps studying law at university was the answer. I had previously crossed out the option of going to university because of the cost and because I wanted to get into work and support myself and Lily as soon as possible. But spending an extra three years studying something I truly loved really began to appeal to me. I then purchased a book that would help me to decide if studying law at university was something that I really wanted to do and was capable of. I spent many weeks trying to make up my mind, and in the end I decided that getting a real education would set a good example for Lily and could be the best option for both of us (as I'd still have school holidays off to spend with her).

I've now applied to four universities to study law, all universities are within driving distance so I plan to stay living with my parents while I study. I decided this was the best idea as it would hopefully reduce the amount of debt I rack up on living expenses and it would also mean I have other people around to help with Lily (such as picking up from school, dropping off and potentially looking after if I have work to do during weekends).

Now the excitement has realy kicked in and I'm so pumped for our future. Since having Lily my main goal has been to give her a good life, and I think going to university is another step towards that.

xoxo

A horror based rant

This is another random post. Sorry for the lack of flower baby posts, I'll do an update on her soon, I promise!

Being someone who is fairly passionate about horror films, I get frequently irritated by the fact that a lot of them claim to be "based on a true story". I know saying that will increase the horror and tends to increase audience sizes. But when a film says "based on a true story" please bare in mind that it's very *loosely* based on a true story. And especially ones that say "inspired by a true story" like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre you have to read between the lines. The story is completely made up, but the villan Leatherface was *inspired* by a real murderer Ed Gein.

That said, I'm planning a horror movie night on Friday with my bestest friend so I've been looking at a few trailers on Youtube. I watched three trailers for The Conjuring and all of them focus on that the film is based on a true story. Now, I don't believe in ghosts or demons or anything like that, so me being me I looked up the events that the film is based on. There wasn't much that I could dig up, apart from members of the Perron family confirming that the story is true. Of course, these family members could be being paid to say that, in order to keep the public interested. But honestly, I'm doubtful. To me it sounds like events have been greatly exaggerated. Could be a group of people hoping to make money off some story that they made up. There is no hard evidence that proves that these things happened. However, that's just my opinion and something that I wanted to get off my chest.

xoxo

Cruelty free

This is a slightly different blog post today!

I have recently decided to only buy cruelty free products from now on. This was inspired by one of my favourite vloggers, Lex Croucher (tyrannosauruslexxx on Youtube). I've always said I'm against animal testing, but never truly made a conscious effort to only ever buy cruelty free products. It's time for change, it's time to make a difference. Animal testing is not something that's necessary and is against the law in the European Union. However, some products that are sold in the EU are still tested on animals in other countries, so are not cruelty free.

Here are a bunch of links that have been helping me track down the brands that are cruelty free:
http://nottested.co.uk/index.html
http://www.peta.org/living/beauty-and-personal-care/companies/search.aspx?Product=5
http://www.leapingbunny.org/shopping.php

I encourage everyone to go cruelty free! It hardly takes any time or effort just to research brands that are safe to buy, so you can replace anything you're using that *does* test on animals.

xoxo

A fresh start

Recently a lot of drama has been happening. I'll leave out the details (mostly because it's personal and not particularly something I want to share with the world), but basically Phil is no longer having contact with Lils. He's stopped sending money, so I guess it's all official! I am OK with this, I know I can raise her alone, as it's pretty much what I've been doing from the start (with the help of my mum). I just feel upset for Lily's sake. Growing up without a dad is going to suck, but there are plenty of male role models in her life that I think will make up for it! The good thing is, I know plenty of people that have grown up without a dad, and my boyfriend actually has no memory of his dad, so I know it doesn't affect your life too much, as long as the mother is stable enough.

I'm back to college next week, and this is really good for me. It means I can settle back into the busy life of getting up, getting myself and Lily ready, dropping Lil at nursery, going to college, coming home from college, picking Lily up, getting dinner done, eating dinner, playing with Lil/bathing her, putting Lil to bed, tidying up and doing work. I really strive from routine, and a busy one is a good one for me! I have still been trying to look for a part-time job to get a bit more money into the situation, but I'm not sure how likely it'll be. And I'm not sure I even want one anymore, as it'll really mean that all my time at home will be spent on housework and college work, which isn't good, as I need time for Lily.

Lily has been away since Friday (it's now Tuesday) and she's coming back today! She went away with my parents to visit my sister and her daughter. They're both coming back here for the rest of the week so I can see them too. I'm very excited for Lily to come home, it's unreal how much I've missed her!

xoxo

The calm before the storm...

I am currently suffering with a cold and a sore throat. This has, oddly, made me aware of how much work I'll be doing once I'm back in college. I have been moaning so much about how bored I am at the moment, but I don't think about how it's going to be once I go back into college. The sleep deprivation, being overworked, having no time for Lily. I'm still looking forward to going back and cracking on once again, but I think I need to appreciate this time that I have before then.
Lily is such a good girl. She has been behaving so well today as she knows poor old mum is not feeling too good. For now, it's only housework and paperwork that is being neglected because I'm ill. Soon, I won't have time to be ill. I have got to work so hard for my last year at college, because now I actually have something to work towards and desperately want to go to university and study law. Not just for myself, but to make my daughter proud.

I suppose in my last update I hadn't really given much information about Phil and how that's going... Well. It's not really going. We are still friends (although there are times when I really cannot bare him and lose my temper at nothing), I don't see him much. He comes over about 1-2 evenings a week to see Lily, but I am becoming increasingly frustrated about that fact that he does not interact with her, and seems to spend all of his time on his phone. He rarely takes her for days anymore, and it is always up to me to organise it with him. I am bored with him. And I know that makes me sound terrible, and I probably am. But I am sick of hearing about his social life, and his having all this money to do things like go to festivals or get new tattoos. He should be spending his time and his money on his daughter, like I have been for the past three years. It is not fair that he doesn't share this responsibility with me, but I know I can raise her perfectly well without his help. I have just got to learn to stop being so bitter about it.

xoxo

Update...

Ok, I get it. I'm a terrible blogger and am truly rubbish at keeping up to date with this sort of thing.

The truth is, nothing much is really happening in the world of the flower baby at the moment. She goes to nursery one day a week while we're on summer holidays, which is fantastic as it means for one day a week I get to either catch up with work or sit on my behind and read all day (it's usually the latter, trust me). We went to the hospital yesterday for Lily's eye checkup and her patching has been reduced to two hours a day (from an original four hours a day), which is fantastic! When we received the news last year that she had a squint and would have to wear a patch and glasses, I was devastated and honestly believed that it was my fault and she's never have a normal eyesight. But, of course, doctors always manage to prove me wrong. She's getting better. There's still the possibility that her eyesight will never be what is considered 'normal', but who likes normal anyway? Not me.
Her third birthday came and went with a blurr. I took the day off college for it and we celebrated just by spending the day together. It was good. She then had a very small party the following weekend, which was also (for lack of a better word) good.
I've heard many horror stories about how three is worse than two, but so far there hasn't been much difference to note. She still has the occasional tantrum and is rubbish with her food, but nothing has majorly improved and nothing has gotten worse.
She's fantastically funny and polite, and people are constantly telling me that I should be proud of her and myself for raising her. I am. Trust me. In fact, sometimes I worry that I come across a little smug.

An update on me. Hm, well. We're still living with my parents, but my best friend, Laura, has moved in with us. It is unbelievably nice to have someone be here again. Going from having three siblings being around to none was a shock, and I got lonely very easily. Now that Laura is here, the loneliness isn't so bad. Lily loves her too, of course!
Still with the same partner. Nothing much has changed there apart from the break up a month ago and then the getting back together a few weeks later. I find it hard to admit, and even harder to write down, but - I love him. An awful lot. Sometimes I worry that I neglect Lily because so much of me wants to just be with him. But it all balances out in the end.
The summer holidays are going painfully slow. I miss college, just purely because it keeps me busy. But because of all this free time I've had, I've had the time to think about what I want to do after I'm done with college. I'm shocked to admit that university has gone from being not even an option, to what I will probably be doing. I haven't looked into which university I want to go to yet, but I have decided that I'd most enjoy studying law. I've decided that this is the best option for me, as it sets an example for Lily, and means for an extra three years, I get to have holidays with Lily still, ha!

Must sign off now. Lily is napping and I seriously need to get things done.
I will do my best to update more often. I am a truly terrible blogger.

xoxo

Juggling

There are three main things dominating my life at the moment; single parenting, college and running a house.
An awful lot of juggling is involved to keep all of these things happy.
I'm currently on half term for a week, so that gives me time to catch up with time with Lily and keeping the house in check. However, last week was a completely different story - I had two massive assignments due in on Wednesday and had not had enough free time before then to work on them properly. The only time I get to work on assignments is when Lily has gone to bed for the night, and even then I have to do all the washing up and tidying first. So from around 8:30PM every night, I sit down at my desk to get some work done. Now, that only gives me around two hours before I'm too tired to concentrate properly, so I end up going to bed. Not to mention the fact that every other day after Lily has gone to bed I have a shower and wash my hair, which really takes around an hour (sounds ridiculous, but I've got a lot of hair). So, Tuesday night last week, I stayed awake until 2AM getting these assignments done, and even then they weren't finished. I then got up at 6:30AM on Wednesday to get Lily ready for nursery and myself ready for a full day of college. I then get no free time to catch up on this missed out sleep. I suffered sleep deprivation for the very first time last week, and I think I'll have to suffer through it a few more times before my time at college is done.
I'm so glad I have a week off now, and Lily's nanny has even offered to have her for two nights this week, which is amazing!

xoxo

A question from a single parent

A question I frequently ask myself is: "how can I be in two places at once?"

Recently, I've been potty training Lily, which in itself is pretty difficult! But as a single parent.. It verges on impossible. I have to keep my eye on her constantly and remember to ask her if she needs the toilet. I need to look out for any signs she might show of needing to go for a wee or poop (such as fidgeting, crossing legs or running off to hide). This makes doing anything other than look after her pretty darn difficult! My house is currently a crazy mess, I'm behind on my college work and dinner is frequently burnt or furniture/floors ruined.
The only answer I have here is: stick it out. It's difficult now, and it will remain difficult for a long time, but the good times are great and it will all be worth it in the end!

xoxo

2013

I am currently meant to be working on an assignment... But y'know... Procrastination is my middle name and what not.

So! It's January 1st 2013. 2012 was a mixed up year for me. At the start of the year I was planning a wedding - at the end of the year I've gotten into a relationship with someone new!
Low points of 2012 - arguments with Phil. Splitting our family up. Getting used to single parenting and being alone. Not being able to be around Lily as much as I would like.
High points of 2012 - watching my beautiful daughter grow. Starting college. Enjoying college. Receiving Business Student of the Month. Seeing Lily enjoy nursery.

Towards the end of 2012 I have been frantically trying to keep my life together. I have been desperately trying to keep ontop of all my assignments, continue to be a decent mummy, keep friends (old and new) and make a long distance relationship work. This plus side to a long distance relationship is that we only see eachother on the weekends (at the most), so that leaves the rest of my time for everything else. And of course work can be done, and mummy stuff can be done, while he is visiting.

For 2013, my hopes and resolutions - finish my first year of college with results that I can be proud of. Watch my Lily grow even more. Read more. Be less lazy. Make the long distance relationship work (otherwise a five year friendship will be ruined).

But for now, I really need to either go to bed, or work on my assignment.

xoxo