Recently a lot of drama has been happening. I'll leave out the details (mostly because it's personal and not particularly something I want to share with the world), but basically Phil is no longer having contact with Lils. He's stopped sending money, so I guess it's all official! I am OK with this, I know I can raise her alone, as it's pretty much what I've been doing from the start (with the help of my mum). I just feel upset for Lily's sake. Growing up without a dad is going to suck, but there are plenty of male role models in her life that I think will make up for it! The good thing is, I know plenty of people that have grown up without a dad, and my boyfriend actually has no memory of his dad, so I know it doesn't affect your life too much, as long as the mother is stable enough.
I'm back to college next week, and this is really good for me. It means I can settle back into the busy life of getting up, getting myself and Lily ready, dropping Lil at nursery, going to college, coming home from college, picking Lily up, getting dinner done, eating dinner, playing with Lil/bathing her, putting Lil to bed, tidying up and doing work. I really strive from routine, and a busy one is a good one for me! I have still been trying to look for a part-time job to get a bit more money into the situation, but I'm not sure how likely it'll be. And I'm not sure I even want one anymore, as it'll really mean that all my time at home will be spent on housework and college work, which isn't good, as I need time for Lily.
Lily has been away since Friday (it's now Tuesday) and she's coming back today! She went away with my parents to visit my sister and her daughter. They're both coming back here for the rest of the week so I can see them too. I'm very excited for Lily to come home, it's unreal how much I've missed her!
xoxo
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Friday, 9 August 2013
The calm before the storm...
I am currently suffering with a cold and a sore throat. This has, oddly, made me aware of how much work I'll be doing once I'm back in college. I have been moaning so much about how bored I am at the moment, but I don't think about how it's going to be once I go back into college. The sleep deprivation, being overworked, having no time for Lily. I'm still looking forward to going back and cracking on once again, but I think I need to appreciate this time that I have before then.
Lily is such a good girl. She has been behaving so well today as she knows poor old mum is not feeling too good. For now, it's only housework and paperwork that is being neglected because I'm ill. Soon, I won't have time to be ill. I have got to work so hard for my last year at college, because now I actually have something to work towards and desperately want to go to university and study law. Not just for myself, but to make my daughter proud.
I suppose in my last update I hadn't really given much information about Phil and how that's going... Well. It's not really going. We are still friends (although there are times when I really cannot bare him and lose my temper at nothing), I don't see him much. He comes over about 1-2 evenings a week to see Lily, but I am becoming increasingly frustrated about that fact that he does not interact with her, and seems to spend all of his time on his phone. He rarely takes her for days anymore, and it is always up to me to organise it with him. I am bored with him. And I know that makes me sound terrible, and I probably am. But I am sick of hearing about his social life, and his having all this money to do things like go to festivals or get new tattoos. He should be spending his time and his money on his daughter, like I have been for the past three years. It is not fair that he doesn't share this responsibility with me, but I know I can raise her perfectly well without his help. I have just got to learn to stop being so bitter about it.
xoxo
Lily is such a good girl. She has been behaving so well today as she knows poor old mum is not feeling too good. For now, it's only housework and paperwork that is being neglected because I'm ill. Soon, I won't have time to be ill. I have got to work so hard for my last year at college, because now I actually have something to work towards and desperately want to go to university and study law. Not just for myself, but to make my daughter proud.
I suppose in my last update I hadn't really given much information about Phil and how that's going... Well. It's not really going. We are still friends (although there are times when I really cannot bare him and lose my temper at nothing), I don't see him much. He comes over about 1-2 evenings a week to see Lily, but I am becoming increasingly frustrated about that fact that he does not interact with her, and seems to spend all of his time on his phone. He rarely takes her for days anymore, and it is always up to me to organise it with him. I am bored with him. And I know that makes me sound terrible, and I probably am. But I am sick of hearing about his social life, and his having all this money to do things like go to festivals or get new tattoos. He should be spending his time and his money on his daughter, like I have been for the past three years. It is not fair that he doesn't share this responsibility with me, but I know I can raise her perfectly well without his help. I have just got to learn to stop being so bitter about it.
xoxo
Thursday, 1 August 2013
Update...
Ok, I get it. I'm a terrible blogger and am truly rubbish at keeping up to date with this sort of thing.
The truth is, nothing much is really happening in the world of the flower baby at the moment. She goes to nursery one day a week while we're on summer holidays, which is fantastic as it means for one day a week I get to either catch up with work or sit on my behind and read all day (it's usually the latter, trust me). We went to the hospital yesterday for Lily's eye checkup and her patching has been reduced to two hours a day (from an original four hours a day), which is fantastic! When we received the news last year that she had a squint and would have to wear a patch and glasses, I was devastated and honestly believed that it was my fault and she's never have a normal eyesight. But, of course, doctors always manage to prove me wrong. She's getting better. There's still the possibility that her eyesight will never be what is considered 'normal', but who likes normal anyway? Not me.
Her third birthday came and went with a blurr. I took the day off college for it and we celebrated just by spending the day together. It was good. She then had a very small party the following weekend, which was also (for lack of a better word) good.
I've heard many horror stories about how three is worse than two, but so far there hasn't been much difference to note. She still has the occasional tantrum and is rubbish with her food, but nothing has majorly improved and nothing has gotten worse.
She's fantastically funny and polite, and people are constantly telling me that I should be proud of her and myself for raising her. I am. Trust me. In fact, sometimes I worry that I come across a little smug.
An update on me. Hm, well. We're still living with my parents, but my best friend, Laura, has moved in with us. It is unbelievably nice to have someone be here again. Going from having three siblings being around to none was a shock, and I got lonely very easily. Now that Laura is here, the loneliness isn't so bad. Lily loves her too, of course!
Still with the same partner. Nothing much has changed there apart from the break up a month ago and then the getting back together a few weeks later. I find it hard to admit, and even harder to write down, but - I love him. An awful lot. Sometimes I worry that I neglect Lily because so much of me wants to just be with him. But it all balances out in the end.
The summer holidays are going painfully slow. I miss college, just purely because it keeps me busy. But because of all this free time I've had, I've had the time to think about what I want to do after I'm done with college. I'm shocked to admit that university has gone from being not even an option, to what I will probably be doing. I haven't looked into which university I want to go to yet, but I have decided that I'd most enjoy studying law. I've decided that this is the best option for me, as it sets an example for Lily, and means for an extra three years, I get to have holidays with Lily still, ha!
Must sign off now. Lily is napping and I seriously need to get things done.
I will do my best to update more often. I am a truly terrible blogger.
xoxo
The truth is, nothing much is really happening in the world of the flower baby at the moment. She goes to nursery one day a week while we're on summer holidays, which is fantastic as it means for one day a week I get to either catch up with work or sit on my behind and read all day (it's usually the latter, trust me). We went to the hospital yesterday for Lily's eye checkup and her patching has been reduced to two hours a day (from an original four hours a day), which is fantastic! When we received the news last year that she had a squint and would have to wear a patch and glasses, I was devastated and honestly believed that it was my fault and she's never have a normal eyesight. But, of course, doctors always manage to prove me wrong. She's getting better. There's still the possibility that her eyesight will never be what is considered 'normal', but who likes normal anyway? Not me.
Her third birthday came and went with a blurr. I took the day off college for it and we celebrated just by spending the day together. It was good. She then had a very small party the following weekend, which was also (for lack of a better word) good.
I've heard many horror stories about how three is worse than two, but so far there hasn't been much difference to note. She still has the occasional tantrum and is rubbish with her food, but nothing has majorly improved and nothing has gotten worse.
She's fantastically funny and polite, and people are constantly telling me that I should be proud of her and myself for raising her. I am. Trust me. In fact, sometimes I worry that I come across a little smug.
An update on me. Hm, well. We're still living with my parents, but my best friend, Laura, has moved in with us. It is unbelievably nice to have someone be here again. Going from having three siblings being around to none was a shock, and I got lonely very easily. Now that Laura is here, the loneliness isn't so bad. Lily loves her too, of course!
Still with the same partner. Nothing much has changed there apart from the break up a month ago and then the getting back together a few weeks later. I find it hard to admit, and even harder to write down, but - I love him. An awful lot. Sometimes I worry that I neglect Lily because so much of me wants to just be with him. But it all balances out in the end.
The summer holidays are going painfully slow. I miss college, just purely because it keeps me busy. But because of all this free time I've had, I've had the time to think about what I want to do after I'm done with college. I'm shocked to admit that university has gone from being not even an option, to what I will probably be doing. I haven't looked into which university I want to go to yet, but I have decided that I'd most enjoy studying law. I've decided that this is the best option for me, as it sets an example for Lily, and means for an extra three years, I get to have holidays with Lily still, ha!
Must sign off now. Lily is napping and I seriously need to get things done.
I will do my best to update more often. I am a truly terrible blogger.
xoxo
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